Okay here we go. I'm glad I've waited to write this. Its sinking in more and more what just occurred over the weekend! So frustrating and disappointing at the same time. I've been scouring over the pictures..looking for why I placed where I did??


At first I felt all caddy and was goin through all the nasty negative emotions and thoughts.... plus it doesn't help when you get all this mail saying hmmmmm who are you NOT sleepin with...and that is a pleasant way to put it!

Its hard when the woman that beat you was drunk the night before and was hung over competing?? That totally pissed me off!
Its not being a good ambassador for our sport. We need to promote a healthy lifestyle..a wicked work ethic..discipline etc!!! I feel like being an older competitor younger gurlz are looking to us for examples.....and the only way is by what you do!! Anyways thats my opinion and as a Canadian Citizen I'm entitled to it...LMAO!!!

I just have a hard time wrappin my head around that the descions are so political?? or are they...Im confused!!!! It has to be that I have toooo much muscle?


The WBFF show was a joke.....so many rumours and accusations of why what happened at that show happened. Not only to me but others as well??? Money issues....judges were not judges...they were given a list of names to pick from?? Three pro cards given out to bikini girls??? Why?

Pro cards given out on stage to the masters women and then taken back, back stage??? What the hell is that???? So frustrating????


I requested my scores from the first WBFF show...I got five lines or so back. Come in leaner..more pull up on your sides. I placed third that show. Okay armed with that information I improved on these things....


Okay by now if your reading this you know it fuels me this kind of stuff. So what do I do?? I came in leaner to the WBFF show..I placed lower than I did the first show??? WTF?????


Okay so I decide that federation is not for me.. Toooo much dis honesty and its who ya know etc etc. Each to their own..works for some..just not for me.


So I go to the BCABBA..looking at the BC's pics it looks like they are rewarding a body type much like mine. A little more muscle and definitely a whole lot better conditioned than what I've been seein on stage beside me at the WBFF.
No offense to anyone.....it is what it is. Just my opinion! And we put ourselves in that light..half naked on the stage....were looking for people opinions..right?

You know its weird when at two shows athletes back stage are telling you that you are winning the whole show and you don't place in the top three????
When the bodybuilders say hmmmmm? glad your not competing against me?? I'm not even in bodybuilding shape these days???? Thank you for the compliment though....lol!!!! My conditioning is awesome! Dean has been a wicked trainer and helped me to get in the best shape!

I've emailed who I think I need to email so I can get some answers~ I just need to know the reasons.....I can live with those! Somebody please tell me what it is that I don't have....or do have that is making me place where I am. I can live with those reasons.....only then can I make the desision if I want to do what its suggesting????

Too much muscle? Well I love my body and I'm not getting any smaller or losing any muscle mass..it keeps you young and moving. That's why I have it.....aging is alot easier when your body is held together by muscle. Your metabolism is more efficient!! There are many reasons to keep this hard earned muscle.

Shape? Maybe I'm not figure shaped enuff..that X shape. Well that would be easy to put on some size in my shoulders??? unless I'm too big already.....LMAO!! Does not quite having that extreme x shape score me down that low that i don't place in the top three???

Maybe I need a bigger butt.....maybe my skin needs to be dimpled?? Maybe my posing is atrocious? All those blades of mine....maybe I'm not graceful enuff??? Can ya see where my mind goes???....................Well we will see what feedback comes out of this!!

At the end of the day...I wanted my Procard eventually. Why? To promote LegareWear to the world really. To be in a position to influence many to take care of their bodies.

To never give up...no matter what life hands you. Do what you want to do...don't let anyone tell you that you cant!

Okay I'm done this rant..stay tuned! I'm not throwing in the towel yet.....Its just fuel for the fire!!! In the words of Ava Cowan.....The more you tell me NO..the harder I go!! and in the Words of Cindy Legare......I'm more Determined...Unstoppable...Relentless....Tenacious...an soon to be Irresistible to those Damn Judges!!!!! DURTI..........LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

Game on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What have I been doing this week??

Okay where have I been? This is hard to type right now..I have cinnamon spilled all over my key board...hard to shovel in the waffle fast enuff this morning! I'm friggin starvin (Lil bit of a deplete yesterday) and my jaw is sore from chewing so much gum! Cases of it....I'm gonna save it all and make a sculpture....LMAO!!

Funny story: In University my room mate and I had this gum ball machine and every day we would put our quarters in and chew gum....we were saving for a trip to Mexico. Anyways we would chew it then stick the chewed gum on the top of the machine. We built this giant chewed up gum castle! Yep we saved enuff to go to Mexico! That's a whole nother story!! ahahahhah!!

I've been literally walking around the house in high heels for the last couple of days...right before I go to bed I put them on my dresser....right when i get up I put them on. Yup all sexy in the morning...LMAO!! Hair all tussled..sleep in my eyes and I clunk down the stairs to the kitchen! Whip up my waffles in high heels. Its amayzin how much torture you can get used to then it feels normal......hmmm that makes me think of my counselling days.

It really is amayzin how much torture people get used to in their lives and they think its normal, and it becomes comfortable to them. Safe in a sick kind of way...they know what to expect!! The kidz I used to work with believed the strangest behaviours were normal.

Okay went off again..back to where have I've been??

Taking care of business so to speak! Dean said its all about you this week and I'm taking it literally....I have gone to stretch therapy which was so awesome! I'm having trouble flaring my lats....they seem to be stuck especially my right side. Paul Turner from 3 Peaks is helpin to unstick them!! He has helped with my hips toooo. Amayzing therapy!!!

Gone shopping for shoes.....I know that seems like such a standard chick thing to do but its hard for me to find shoes that fit! I have size 5 feet so no one has shoes that fit!! I have gel pads...back pieces...toes padding, arch padding...omg get my drift?? I love to shop for runners...cause I can get those in the kids section....and boots seem to be easier to fit! You cant see big socks in boots LMAO!! So I have bought and returned 4 different pairs of shoes now!! You have to take them home and put all the friggin padding in to see if there gonna work?? Okay I think I've found a pair that I can work with! So I can strut my stuff...LMAO!!!

Had my suits altered this week....Taking Sandra's advise to get the bottoms higher...so I look more hourglass like!!

I struggle a little with the whole you must do this..you have to do that?? I don't want to lose any muscle...... I have worked way to hard and tooo long to get these legs and shoulders! Conform..conform...conform....well I'm a conformist without commitment in this arena!

It really can be all illusion anyways. Don't get me wrong..you have to have the stuff to display it, but the trick is know how to display it just right.....so you appeal to 9 judges?? hahahahah that makes me laugh a little! I've been practicing, practising!!

MAKE 9 PEOPLE SEE THE SAME THING ABOUT ANOTHERS PERSONS BODY, Wow now there is a feat!! ....for real with out any political agenda getting in the way??? Hmmm judging has to be a tough job!

I'm going to stretch therapy again today...now don't go thinkin ohhh stretch therapy ..all cushy stretching.

No this is a kind of stripping of your muscles...the kind that just about brings you to screaming...and then you get this big release! I haven't quite decided if yur so relieved its not killing anymore or it actually helps???...kidding it really does help! Makes me think of those poor suckers in the Spanish inquisition on the racks......AHHHHHH!

I would of been one of them for sure! Women were torched because they thought they were witches....when really it was just intuition. If you went against what the flavour of the day religion was.... so to speak.

Its like women got oppressed, taught not to rely on our instincts and gut reactions to things!

When I believe yur guts are never wrong...its yur mind thats the messed up one! I've learned to listen to my guts....all the time!!! 99.9 % of the time they are right..its my spidy senses!

I'm going to get my nails done today.....and I got my hair streaked and cut last week! Usually I like to colour it myself but I let my hairdresser do it this time!!! Yup its been all about me!!!

I will go later today and do a light workout and then sit in the infrared sauna for 40 minutes! I love the sauna...I go in there and stretch and do abs! Then i do paperwork??? I'm a tard I know!

Got my period this week...pretty stoked about that! I was retaining water but its dissipating now. Will be right on track for the show this weekend!!

And I have spend tons of time in the bathrooms around the lower mainland because I have been consuming 6 liters or more of water everyday!! LMAO!!!! So there ya have it...that's what I've been doing!! Game on!!!!!and..............

I'm jonsing for my bike back from the shop!! Finally the oil leak will be fixed..hahahah ya right it's a harley!!! woooohoooooo!!!

Look out Kelowna...here I come!!!

Training with Ava

Wow what an inspiration!! and what a humbling experience and confidence booster all at the same time!! I felt like a "fool peacock" for a minute when I heard..... "yup at the national level now,,,you just need to jump through some hoops!!

I have much to learn!! She gave me some pointers about posing etc etc. There just wasnt enough time!!!! It went by so quick!

Ava was very genuine and authentic. What a great opportunity she has as a "Pro" and thats all she does for a living now. Very Kewl! She is the poster girl for Gaspari Nutrition!!

She gave me lots of positive feedback and compliments..I was like a deer in the headlights I think at times! I also blew her away on a few things.......we shared alot of laughs!!!

We exchanged food ideas and prep. I have a few secrets of my own I shared with her! We talked about Dean "My trainer" and how much he has helped me change up my training! How making the switch to fish has been the best thing for me....not only physically but mentally!

I'm looking forward to speaking with her more!!! That was a really great experience. I feel so motivated and inspired! I was inspired when I saw her pictures, now I'm that much more inspired having trained with her!!!!!

On a side note..not training at my own club....I so appreciate my gym toooooooooooo..........I love Fitness Fanatx!!! Our members!!!!

Thank you Ultimate Fitness for hosting training there.

I was oblivious really to my surroundings while we were training just being a sponge and trying to soak it all in...well all except the dude doing clean and jerks and pretty much dropping the weights from shoulder height to the ground??? Scared the crap out of me for a second!!!

I am so thankful I got the opportunity to train with her! Thank you to Dean and Reflex Lougheed for making it happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm one week out from Kelowna....gunning for "FIRST" for sure!!! All this hard work and commitment is paying off!! As always how could it not....just the journey alone is amayzing!! Everyday I wake up and go...are you a champion today?

The little voice inside my head says HELL YA!!!! and away I go!!!....

don't get me wrong..some days a raging battle goes on in my head!! There is that other voice in my head that I have to fight with some times!

The one that says ya right?? who are you kidding? Your to old..your toooo this your tooo that???

Then the champions voice speaks up and tells the other lil voice to shut its protein hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!! actually its a cake hole for that one!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO!!!

Okay off I go!!!!!!!!!!!!! woooohooooo!!

Posing with Sandra.

Had a great time posing with Sandra Wickham. She is awesome! She explains things so there easy to understand and translate into the actual movement. I feel like I have two left feet most of the time and only one listens...and its my right one...LMAO!!!

Its been quite the challenge for me to learn to navigate in those shoes...and now I'm having to learn how in two different kinds of shoes because the BCABBA has different shoes than the WBFF??? Game on!!!

Its like learning to be a Barbie...not something that comes naturally to me. Sandra gave me an example person to use...LMAO. Flaunt your stuff....like your all that....unfortuanatly the persons name she used I helped out a great deal, she use to work for me and she conjurs up trashy images in my mind, the most ungrateful fake person I know.

I believe you can be super sexy without being trashy!!!!!

So that kind of through me for a bit of a loop...but then I watched Sandra and she is nothing but a class act!!! I know I have it in me, embracing that part of myself is fun! I have the sexy classy femine side to me...and she can kick your ass at the same time!!!

I'm not sure why but I think I eqaute that really Barbie stuff to weakness and victimish?? or women who are fake n trashy are manipulaters....and are really very insecure and dont believe in the power of their minds! I always think a rude awakening is around the corner....we all get old and lose our vessel that carries the real us around. ....ahhhh Im going of on a tangent here...lol!!

I've always been super independent and proud of it. I'm learning to find the balance and thats been an eye opener for me. I'm seriously enjoying the process!

We are so much more than these vessels.....and while I'm in mine I'm going to do all I can to preserve it, make it the best that I can in side and out!

Okay now where was I???

Posing? Yes....learning to spread my wings...literally! I keep trying to flex them out instead of naturally just letting them pop out...I'm tryin to force them..Hmmmm? there is a metaphor...

just let it happen! I've been practicing ......Just do it..dont spend to much time thinkin about it seems to work!! Go figure? I tend to think to much...I want perfection!...and then I realize.....or have realized imperfect some times is perfect for me!!!

I'm looking forward to next Sunday posing with Sandra again....she is such a great teacher!!

Kryptonite....

So I've decided....this is the year I'm going to keep going until I get my Pro Card!

I 've given it alot of thought. Ya I want it! and funny thing about me is.................If I want something...I go out and get it. No matter how long it takes me.....I'm stubborn like that....

I thought I wanted to get my Pro card in Bodybuilding at one time....an I might have gotten it had there been 5 people in my class instead of four when I won in Oregon...And it was not meant to be!

I didn't want to get any bigger so figure seemed like the way to go!!

At first I thought a tomboy like me wouldn't cut it as a figure gurl! Tooo Gurly!...... But I really like it...and there is something about putting on a pair of HIGH heels that just makes ya feel sexy!!! Especially when your in a bikini....lol!!!

I've mastered the walk in them....now I must master the posing!!

Goin to see a "Pro" this Sunday to get some help with it!! Sandra Wickham!

Ahhh Kryptonite you ask??? Intensity moving from exercises like dead lifts to shoulder press with squats and pull ups are my kryptonite!! Can you say.....ummm taste your breakfast a second time...all while riding the merry go round!! Yup makes me dizzy...then it pisses me off!!...which makes me train harder of course!!

I just push through till the end...whats the worst that can happen?? I could barf on Deans runners....LMAO!!!....I'm really noticing how dusty the gym mats are these days......hahahahahahahhaa!!!

Okay I'm off to do cardio and hit the sauna.....woooohooooo!!!

Okay so yesterday, I'm feeling fat?? What the hell? Preperiod is such a roller coaster for me! Every month it's so predictable...I hate everyone eqaully!! Just kidding..sort of....LMAO!!!! I havent put on any weight to speak of....I have carbs in me and am filled out a little. and have still ate pretty clean and am back on the fish diet because Im three weeks out from the show. All those doubts still somehow wiggle their way into my thoughts. I wont be ready.....ready for what I ask myself? Im ready now....whack!!!! Ahhhh the fun lil mind games we play....The mental game of this sport is the most challenging. Just keep going....no matter what! Youve set a goal now follow through is always what I tell myself. Thats the payoff in the end for me.....I did it! and I enjoy the journey to get there....even the times like now when I feel fat.....I know I dont look fat but my brain seems to be floating in fog a bit and I feel like I have this thick layer over me. Im irritated at things that normally dont phase me....my usual motto is .................is anybody dying? anybody bleeding?..Nope then we are all good!! Its so true about sweating the small stuff...and really in the grand scheme of things its all small stuff!

The trick is when I start to wind up in my mind to do alot of self talk and come back to the ground....

well id better get my butt in gear....waffles down....coffee down.....now get ready to go get your game on. Wonder what kind of challenge Dean is going to throw at me this morning???? I can't wait actually.....I get excited thinking what is he gonna throw at me today???? Although this time of the month I battle with exersice induced severe...did I say severe cramps??? That sucks!! Well seeeeeeeeeeee.............stay tuned!!!!!!

Okay I'm back. Hard to find the time to write. I need to carry a tape recorder around with me to capture all the talk in my mind. Actually I need to sleep with one by my bed because if I wake up during the night my brain starts going!!!

Its been a stressful week. Staff and members are a challenge as always! It's hard when people don't live up to your expectations. If you've never owned a business you just don't understand how it works....and you definitely don't treat it the same as you would if you owned it!
Members can be sooooo...human at times!!!! Who spits gum in the urinal??? Sum body has to fish that out....who pees in the garbage can in the tanning room??? Holy crap is it that far to walk to the bathroom????

Training can be difficult for me at times....Dean gave me grief this week about focusing.....Whacked myself in the face with the medicine ball....looking around the gym seeing what needed to be cleaned, why wasn't this done, glass is looking pretty smudged...why wasn't it clean etc etc.... Members want deals for this and that??? Hello...we have to pay hydro..phone...rent....cable....paychecks....etc etc!!!
Oh well that's my ranting for today...lol!!!
And then on the flip side I am blessed to have my own business and the perks that do come with that!! All good!!!
Dieting is going well.....I've had a couple of cheats though. I got these really great protein crunch pumpkin seed thingy's.....ummmm thanks Judy for turnin me on to them.
Funny how you can justify a cheat to yourself?? Their high protein almost no carbs...etc etc!! Its still a cheat...........I feel like someone takes over my hand and just keeps putting it into the bag and shoving them into my mouth......and then I count out the amount I've justified.....after I've already shoved one in there......What the hell???? deprivation is a great teacher ......
I think about the things people do in their lives...what are they being deprived of??? I could go off on a big tangent here...being a high risk youth counsellor for ten years.....what happens to people when they are deprived of human touch.....love......okay you get my drift.

Okay I will write more later.....Off to put up fences today.....seriously that's not a metaphor....our dogs keep getting out! Big dorks...they go next door and bug the lamas....Two rotties and an amstaff gallivanting all over the country is not a good thing. Brats!!!!

I'm hungry this morning...that's a good thing. Metabolism is running high!! My pancake went down way to easy....I didn't even wait for it to be fully cooked..was still a lil soft in the middle.
Here is the recipe for anyone interested:
1/2 c organic whole oats
1/3 c nutra cleanse
1 cup of whites
put into magic bullet....whip, if you leave this for any reason after you whip it up and don't put it in the pan right away it turns into a serious blob. The nutra cleanse expands!!!!!!
ok...assuming you having made it into a blob.....put into a hot pre heated pan. The trick to a great pancake is in the pan!! A small pan makes the best big pancake. As soon as you put the mixture in the pan turn down the heat and put a lid on it...about 10 minutes or so....
It will rise up and pop the lid off....when that happens flip over and cook another 10 minutes.
Depending on where I am in my diet I top with 1 tsp of Coconut oil.....stevia....and 1/3 cup of heated blueberries..........and cinnamon!! This is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good.
Or i will make it in the waffle iron...its makes alot of lil waffles and it feels like your eating alot!!!!!

Ahhh tasty lil treats!!!!!!

Okay off to the rain I go.............